My Life

Dejections

2010-01-30T23:48:00.002+08:00

Firstly, i regretted leaving my mates early just now.
Should have just stayed on,
and worst of all,
it was just to meet a 'female' friend to go home together.

Sammy,
I'm sorry,
i always say you're hoes before bros,
but in reality,
I'm just pot calling the kettle black.

Thank you for being there always,
Thank you for taking your precious time off to watch me play,
Thank you for giving those useful advices for improvement of my game,
Thank you for bearing with me whenever i lost control of my mouth,
You're one of the few great memories to bring back from poly days.

Oh God,
sometimes i wonder why did you create Eve as Adam's companion on Earth?
I've been very vulnerable,
please grant me the courage and strength to overcome this problem of mine.

Thank you lord that i'm still holding on to myself and not fallen to pieces.

Let go

2009-11-19T01:08:00.002+08:00

Sometimes,
loving someone doesn't mean you have to be with them.
I gave myself some time to try,
but all i see is defeat up ahead.
I really hope we could be together,
but seeing how things work now,
i believe its impossible.

You need time,
but i dun have long.
As time passes by,
i can feel myself falling into pieces again.
Not because i'm desperate,
but seriously all the waiting is making me very weak.

I'm sorry

all or nothing

2009-09-17T11:55:00.001+08:00

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eye
I thought with time you'd realize
It's over
It's not the way I choose to live
And something somewhere's got to give
As sharing this relationship gets older
You know I'd fight for you
But how I can fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you
I dont care if that's not fair

Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

There are times it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart
But I dont show it show it
And then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right
I know know it

Don't me make me promises
Baby you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
It's time for show and tell

Cause you and I
Could lose it all if you've got no more room
No room inside for me in your life
Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall
It's now or never

another setback.

2009-06-17T02:13:00.002+08:00

Totally missed that penalty shot.
Lucky my keeper managed to save the other shot,
and we're through to the next game for the last 16.

Current goals:
-Pick myself up from this penalty phobia
-Get into polite team
-Build up my fitness
-200 push-ups per day(almost there)

And i have a confession to make.
I still miss you dearly,
hoping to see your sweet smile everyday.
You're gone and i have to live with it.

God,
hope you answer my daily prayers,
watching over them,
giving them the strength to fight and live on.
Life ain't bad,
its we who have the power to decide whether is it good or bad.

you're still the missing piece in me.

words of heart

2009-06-10T20:40:00.003+08:00

Recent unexpected turns of events made me realised,
in life,
you will meet lots of ppl,
most will eventually become friends of yours.
However,
not all friendship last forever,
some lost to reasons caused by both parties,
others lost due to uncontrollable events.
I'm glad that i made many friends along the way,
and sad for those that I've lost.
Nothing last forever,
so I think it ain't wise to rekindle those lost cause i had.
What ended should be left ended,
as it will never be the same as before.
Leaving them as sweet memories will be the best move.

I'm grateful to those who stick with me for these few months,
those guys and ladies who gave me the best offered decisions to make.

Especially you Sam.
Those emoing conversations we shared,
kinda bring back sweet yet angering memories.

Revival

2009-06-04T01:29:00.004+08:00

Maybe now is not the right time,
u gave me signs along the way.
Maybe lord its all in your timing,
only when its the right time.

Give me the strength to be like him.

He's small
BUT
fast
strong
reliable.

Ashley Cole.

and have sucha beautiful wife. LOL

flashback.

2009-04-25T12:23:00.002+08:00

Remember when we took the SPI tour you told me you love,
but now that you're fine,
you changed your mind,
I'm lost for words.
Remember the night we celebrated my birthday,
that was the night,
which make me decide,
to love you for life.

girls.

2009-04-20T21:57:00.002+08:00

One might be bitching with u how bad the other is,
but u never know they are just using you as a dummy for ranting.
When you are looking for either one of them,
they ain't there for you,
full of excuses or worst,
not even a single reply
And you know what?
They are actually talking to each other,
bitching bout you?
or some other girls out there?

you'll never know.
thats why there no such thing as,
girls and guys becoming good friends.

you're my only tattoo.

2009-04-18T19:26:00.001+08:00

No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free

To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could

Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind

If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do

2009-04-11T01:51:00.001+08:00

What about us?

What about everything we've been through?

you know I never wanted to hurt you

What am I supposed to do?

I'll miss you

Why do you have to go?

I'm trying to understand

but I want you to stay

NOTHING,

2009-04-02T01:13:00.002+08:00

After what happened today,
felt all this while,
I'm nothing but a servant to you.

I'm like your backup plan,
always last priority.
Whenever your friends turn you down,
you come to me thinking I will most probably be there for you.

what's up in your mind always seem to be the question,
you seems so swingy.
sigh

I dun need to make myself clear anymore.
Hope you have an enjoyable 19th birthday on friday.

randomness

2009-03-28T00:27:00.003+08:00

Thanks for the gifts.
Chocolate from Sam,
polo tee from Jason.

For the first time,
pulled my hamstring today.
Lesson learned,
always stretch before exercising.

Maybe they were right about you.

Having you in my arms,
resting your head on my shoulder.
These all seem so far away.

Meat cravings.

2009-03-23T03:09:00.002+08:00

DAMN!
Chicken, Pork,
Lamb, Beef.
I'm craving for some big juicy steaks.

Well life been boring.
Staying home all day tuning in to 'Supernatural'.
The Winchesters Bros.

Wish life was like that them.
Roaming around States.
Not just locking up at home only.

changing

2009-02-13T20:24:00.003+08:00

If you want peace, prepare for war.

giddyness.

2009-01-30T23:18:00.002+08:00

My mind been floating for the past few days,
feeling so giddy.
Hope its nothing serious,
haha.

Will always keep this in my heart:
"my intelligence needs little innovation"

When will i ever stand on my feet again?

lesson learnt.

2009-01-28T09:54:00.002+08:00

In order to be a better person,
one must watch their:
Words
Actions
Thoughts
Characters
Heart

I guess i have not been doing soon,
thats why i'm losing everything.
Lost my love.
Losing my communication with my parents.
Losing my health.
Lost lots of cash.
Chinese New Year have not been good.

God,
what do you have in plan for me?
I'm becoming a loser.

Distance

2009-01-24T17:23:00.003+08:00

My favourite color is red too,
and we can share a red Honda Fit together in future.

凌晨的飞机
随歌忐忑飞行
从相机里面正视着回忆
背景是层影
我哪里都不想擦去
到哪里痛楚计算清
怕遗憾拖远
易碎的情绪我收听

想你在一起
我却身不由己
你每次伤心我每次缺席
遥远的距离
我以为我们的爱情
誓言里还会有转机
没想到陌生机场
写下结局
各自的转机

我放不过我自己
转一圈回到了原地
眼泪是一种提醒
我很爱你
让一切归零

我放不过我自己
仍相信爱会有奇迹
人群中握得到你
我抱着你
我们的爱情
还未完待续

想你在一起
我却身不由己
你每次伤心
我每次缺席
遥远的距离
我以为我们的爱情
誓言里还会有转机
没想到陌生机场
写下结局
各自的转机

我放不过我自己
转一圈回到了原地
眼泪是一种提醒
我很爱你
让一切归零

我放不过我自己
仍相信爱会有奇迹
人群中我正逃离
我抱着你
我们的爱情
还未完待续(我放不过我自己)

转一圈回到了原地
眼泪是一种提醒
我很爱你
让一切归零

我放不过我自己
仍相信爱会有奇迹
寻找我们的转机
我抱着你
我们的爱情
还未完待续(我放不过我自己)

眼泪是一种提醒
让我们一起回忆我们的爱情
我放不过我自己眼泪是一种提醒
我们的我们的我们的爱爱爱爱
我放不过我自己眼泪是一种提醒
让我们一起回忆我们的爱情
我放不过我自己眼泪是一种提醒
我们的我们的我们的爱爱爱爱

just so you know

2009-01-20T15:27:00.003+08:00

The first glance we had,
the heat exhaustion we suffered during S&W,
the shy and quick chats we shared,
all seems so far away now.

The outings we went,
those long and exciting trips to JBP,
those ice creams we had,
mos burgers we ate.
pinching, poking or physical tortures we gave each other.
Seems fun to 1, but torturous to the other.

Those bad times we went through,
crazy yellings on the phone,
banging of tables and unstoppable calls.
seems to be haunting us non-stop.

Those cuddles we had,
kisses we gave,
touches we shared.
How i wished we have another day,
but it seems our time together is numbered.

I can't help it and think,
why do u always think our future would be an end,
but not a better and stronger bond between us.

You know how much you mean to me,
but,
How much am i to you?

its sweet to have a long relationship.
And maybe marry your childhood sweetheart.
haha.

Roller Coaster

2009-01-08T22:51:00.002+08:00

Mid-Five,
Cloud-Nine,
Ground-Zero.

That's how it goes.
Thrilling exciting & scary.

Who Knew

2009-01-05T22:40:00.004+08:00

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
That's right

If someone said three years from now, you'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out cause they're all wrong
who knew

I wish I could touch you again
I'd give anything

Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you, what happened

That last kiss
I'll cherish until we meet again
And time makes it harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew

& i still do.

I'm sorry for causing you so much disturbance ever since we met.
Every little seconds with you are so sweet and enjoyable.
But we both know the feeling ain't strong anymore.
Right now,
I just wanna cherish every little moment with you till the day we're over.

updates!

2008-12-22T00:02:00.010+08:00

Bitten by a weird and fierce jack russell on friday.
It was min's dog.
Should have never let jason and her brought it down la,
monster dog sia.

Lets look at the cute side of polo(dog's name)

and the marks polo left on me.

First time see sucha hostile dog sia,
normally dogs will lick you,
but for polo,
he prefer to bite.
FUCK!

Finally managed to take pics with my 2 younger sis.

Fooling around,

Still fooling around, haha.

not ready yet la mum, haha.

FINALLY.
Mummy say me and lili have the same expression.
-.-
haha

Bored

2008-12-16T01:46:00.002+08:00

There's only 1 thing
2 do
3 words
4 you i do.

This holiday seems boring.
No money for shopping at all.
Just have to wait patiently for christmas to come.
I really hope you will.

What took you so long?

2008-12-11T02:45:00.002+08:00

Months after your album release,
then you bother to shoot this video.
You took too long Jesse.
haha.

Enjoy it!
2 more papers to go.

Lost a friend.

2008-12-01T22:45:00.003+08:00

I remembered the first encounter we had,
it was ugly,
we fought.
haha.
But we became great friends as time passes by.

You have always been a big bro figure in the team.
You cheered us on when we are down,
you screamed your lungs out when we give up.
Off pitch,
you gave me advices when i need some,
you were more than just a friend to me,
although we had not been talking recently,
but the friendship we had is always there.

I was indeed shocked when i heard bout you,
i really dunno how to react.
I feel that tears are gonna roll down my cheeks,
but i hold them as i'm gonna have a debate in class.

I will always remember the times we had on the pitch,
the match we played,
the training we had,
and the street soccer session we had in sch.
You will always be Ngee Ann's handy and most reliable Goalkeeper.

Abdul Malik.
Our GK
Our big brother
My friend.

Thank you for accompanying me to see him today,
and cheering me up when i'm down.
I really need ur companion just now.
I dunno what would i do if i'm going there alone.
Thank you very much.

For once,
you did not flare up today,
which is a good sign,
i sure hope that you willingly accompanied me today,
not that i forced you.

Life's fragile, it's precious.
Live life to the fullest,
and not regretting our actions in future.
You never know what next second holds,
it might be our very last.
Treasure everything you have in life,
friends, loved ones.

Fed-up with life.

2008-11-30T21:46:00.002+08:00

Life is a living hell at home.
It's truly sick staying home facing with all of you.
You parents think my life is all about study la,
emotionally dead isit?
fucked up thinking of yours gotta changed,
although its right.
Both you been teenagers before,
still can say u never did anything bad to your parents before.
you were a fucking gangster in the past,
be glad i'm unlike you.
Both of you are always like that,
been 18 years under both of you,
still thinks i'm a 5 year old kid.
Seeing both of you worrying so much bout me going out late at night,
u are fucking kidding me.
Dun tell others that u both served the army,
worry so much,
how can our citizens rely on soldiers like you to protect our country?

And my mum thinks i'm a fucking casanova.
Talking with friends on the phone means i'm toying around with girls ar?
Go out means must be with girls only?
Fuck man,
thanks for having sucha impression on your only son,
appreciate it very much.

sometimes i really wonder,
did you adopted me?
Or am i really your flesh & bones?

Although i dun seems to be studying all the time,
i do care.
I dun blame both of you about the results i had,
Yea you can blame me,
but stop thinking i can't change.

Its about being practical,
my present GPA can't possibly get me into any local Uni.
Why the fuck i still squeeze my brain juice dry and study every moment?
I'm no nerd, geek or douchebag.

I'm still heartbroken man,
after all the good and bad times.
You still stand a chance,
make full use of it.
Dun let your parents down.

Running low on cash,
Common tests coming up.

Why do bad stuffs come all together?

Guess have to clear CTs first.
Parents never change,
dun really need to care bout them.

done updating.

First Prac!

2008-11-24T22:58:00.004+08:00

Had my first driving pract today!
It was quite boring in the beginning,
simple(stupid) knowledge of the car,
nearly dozed off,
haha.
The excitement came when its my turn to touch the wheel.
The feeling of the passenger seat and driver seat,
totally fucking different,
the car seems so big on sia,
den 20km/h suddenly seem so fast.

One fucking bad point bout manual car,
fucking clutch.
its seems so small,
yet it can inflict so much torture to a human leg.

Having prac again tmr!
nervously anticipating it.
haha.

Overnight mac seems like a killer,
still tired cos of it,
haha.

Get well soon!
Pain is there to make yourself stronger!

First Prac!\

2008-11-24T22:58:00.001+08:00

Gutu on my hair!

2008-11-22T00:19:00.001+08:00

20/11/08
Went out with YX for the first time,
haha.
Finally found someone who mumbles like me,
haha.
Someone's is falling in love,
follow ur heart girl,
or u can let time show you the results.
End up at auntie lim's house after sending YX home.
it was mother lim's birthday,
sucha nice bd cake u got,
haha.
Played with 乐乐,
damn horny bitch sia,
lol.

21/11/08
Thought i was having sucha bad day,
Was on high spirits when my mum gave me $200 to top up my bbdc account,
fucking lost my EZ-link.
Spoilt my day totally sia.
$21 just fly past so easily,
such good timing.
My pay for tmr used to cover this loss liao.

Always believe,
rainbow after a thunderstorm.
Met chel for dinner,
finally had our long-planned outing successfully.
Felt kinda awkward at the beginning,
but slowly swing into the mood liao.
Die liao la,
u made me found out there's really gutu in my hair,
haha.
I'm sorry for my response just now,
kinda retarded recently.
Really need to learn from u to sleep early.

Fico after that,
Headed for the coffeeshop with jason and mario.
Somehow we are becoming uncles liao,
even though we meet up quite often,
we still have lots to talk about.
haha.

Enjoy ur camp chel!
Have fun with bin bin!
Yawn~
bedtime for me liao.
nights!

Boring day.

2008-11-19T22:30:00.003+08:00

Went to Sam's place yet again after sch.
That fucker, skipped both IS class and his physiotheraphy.
haha.
Played fifa there, exchanged sad stories with one another.

Chang is out of hospital,
everything will be fine.
2 weeks will fly pass very fast.
if u need psp games,
i have loads of them.
haha.

Lost. (pardon my moodyness)

leave it alone, take a detour.

2008-11-17T23:03:00.002+08:00

GOD GOD GOD, you are hell right making my life miserable now.
Let me know that this is just a test of my strength,
dun let this feeling prolong.
Well maybe its time to take a detour.
Stop all the pestering stuffs.
i knew u lied to me.

Football seems to be the best option now.
My passion, hah!
I gave up lots of opportunities in the past,
regretting all those rejections i made.

Maybe afterall,
i'm the second best choice.
i dun blame u for that,
i'm damn right a lousy bf.
haha.

My name.

2008-11-14T00:16:00.001+08:00

The boy's name Adelard \a-dela-rd, ad(e)-lard\ is a variant of Adalhard (Old German) and Allard (Old English), and the meaning of Adelard is "noble strength; noble and brave".

Till the time is right.

2008-11-12T22:48:00.002+08:00

Just wanna say a big thank you for letting me spent almost the whole week with you.
I guess u're kinda getting bored of my presence again.
Time to back off this type round,
i wanna say sorry for my reaction on the bus just now.
I admit i'm kinda heartbroken & sad.
haha,
but i'll be fine.

I'll be there if you need me.
But for the time being,
just wanna be better in time.

It's no longer home.

2008-11-10T20:42:00.000+08:00

Been returning home late at night recently.
Not that i'm mixing with bad company or what.
There's no point staying at home,
i tried being nice,
all i get is being the scapegoat.

What's the fucking problem with my family?
Doesn't Christ teach you to be harmonious with everyone?
Maybe staying out all these nights is right.

Where's are you when i really needed you?
I feel so lost now.

hearts have changed

2008-10-17T11:32:00.000+08:00

我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道你没有舍不得

你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开

你要我说多难堪我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多我会一直好好过

你已经远远离开我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你是因为我太爱你

your heart had changed, there's no point of me clinging on to you anymore.
i hate to do it but i guess this time round is for real.
you deserve someone better, of higher status.
i'm just a nobody, haha.
dun be angry if u managed to read this post, be happy.
One of problems is gone.
And I dun wanna trouble u anymore with that cycle thing, its inevitable.

god bless u and your family with success in future and good health.

EMO-ed

2008-10-12T21:47:00.000+08:00

Has it ever cross your mind,
When we're hanging out,
spending time girl,
are we just friends?
Is there more,
is there more?

Walking alone in town feels so tiny in this world.
School starting tmr.
All the best to all.

Idealess

2008-09-25T10:28:00.000+08:00

After seeing it with my own eyes today,
I wonder what happened yesterday means anything.
Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

Bored at work.
YAWN~

i miss you too

Random

2008-09-24T10:37:00.000+08:00

My new found idol:
Jesse McCartney

jesse mccartney told you so

how do u sleep/beautiful soul

It's middle of the week today.
2 more days to weekends.
Usually i have no plans on my weekends.
But those are 2 precious days which I'm off from work.
2 more weeks left before sch starts again.
I still can't believe that we are in the same IS class for the whole of next sem
haha..
Finally get to see the 'in class' you.

Just another day

2008-09-22T22:27:00.000+08:00

Supposingly,
its our 4 months anniversary ever since we last started off again.
But its almost a year that we started off our chapter.
I'm still trying hard to accept those words of you saying that we could only be friends.
I can't help thinking that how come there isn't any turning back for us.
And i can't accept the fact that you want to be with other guys in future.

All these words,
makes me bleed internally.
This fate which i can't accept,
is worser off than being dead.

How i wish i can still call you my dear.
Just to blame myself for not cherishing you.
Leaving you with no choice but to leave me.

如果说分手是痛苦的起点
那在终点之前我愿意再爱一遍
想要对你说的不敢说的爱
我会发着呆然后微微笑
接着紧紧闭上眼
回想那一年你温柔的脸
在我忘记之前

I guess the old saying was right.
I shouldn't have paid for that pair of shoes.

Just wanna say this,
maybe for the last time,
Chua Min Li,
I love you.

Sunburns

2008-09-20T22:42:00.000+08:00

Today was actually a very boring day for me.
Slacking at home and waiting for the time to pass by.

Fortunately,
Jason went to sentosa today with his classmates.
I managed to hop along.
Spent half a day there.
if only life could be as relaxing as sitting by the beach.
Picked up volleyball today,
it was quite fun,
yet painful..haha

Met with a near accident in the morning.
A trailer nearly rammed into us today.

Suffering from the sunburns now..ouch!
Had been spamming my body with aloe vera gel since I'm home.

Interesting

2008-09-19T17:35:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Brain is 60% Female, 40% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female

You are both sensitive and savvy

Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed

But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Bored at work

2008-09-19T17:11:00.000+08:00

Had a very heavy lunch just now at sushi tei.
It was grace's last day at work. All of us treat her lunch.
Its quite exp.
$33 per pax, haha.
After lunch i had nothing left to do, completed my task quite early, haha.
Have been slacking since 3.30pm.

Next week onwards will be quite hectic at work.
Thats when i really start to work, haha.
And i will lose someone to talk with,
well grace have been entertaining me every day since i arrived 2 weeks ago.
it will be kinda weird without her sitting in front of me, haha.
Nice meeting you girl.
Wish you success in your future.

While you are hitting balls with your stick in camp,
I'll be figuring out how to spent my weekend.
I got no idea what to do.
Running seems to be a good idea.

i believe in karma,
as its happening to me right now.

That's all for now.

Still straining

2008-09-18T09:37:00.000+08:00

They're all yesterdays,
have to take them all away.

Take it like a man,
i need to stand up on my feet now.

I'm sorry for the pain and worries i caused.

Neck strain..Ouch!

2008-09-17T09:40:00.000+08:00

These few days have been busy and tiring for me..haha.
Trying to maintain jogging every night,
so that there's no reason for others to label me fat.
Lots of event also happen this few days.
Results was released on Mon, We finally talk again.

Yawn~~
I still feel I'm lacking of sleep,
although I tried to sleep early every night.
I wanna extend my work for another week,
but still unsure whether i'm needed as i just mastered everything i need to know ytd only.

For now,
i just wanna cherish every single moment with you.
I dun care about the future,
as we still have the present to live through.

All i wanna do is to hug you tightly and tell you how much you mean to me.

Kelong Trip

2008-09-14T20:59:00.000+08:00

I'm back. It's sucha nice experience there.
The first impression of the place was,' WOW, what a 'nice' place to be'.
The lodging facilities there were not very good..haha.
But, that place is a hidden gem.
The everlasting sea breeze, fresh air, delicious seafood, sunrise and sunset.
Its the kind of place which really take away all the worries you had.
Under the starry night and moonlight is relaxing.

Sunset.

Night Catch! lots of fishes.

My dearest cousin and me.

Seeing everyone going there as couples hurts me. I wasn't suppose to go there alone, haha.
This is the kind of pain i get with whenever i see those couples cuddling up together with one another. Once again, thanks J&J for letting me go there and spoilt both of your time there.
Too bad i can't join all of you to Bangkok in Dec, damn.
how i wished you were there with me.

sleep well gutu.
Busy girl.
Don't tired yourself out.
Take care.

zombie days

2008-09-12T09:09:00.000+08:00

i can't stand it anymore. I'm still suffering from lack of sleep.
YAWN~
i had already set a deadline for myself.

Thanks J&J again for being so understanding and there for me whenever I'm down. I'm not helping anyone, I'm helping your relationship.

sorry Jason

Welcome Back Uncle Chua!

2008-09-11T09:57:00.000+08:00

Surprisingly, when i fell asleep ytd night, the whole world was looking for me.
I managed to catch up with julye only. sorry for those whom i ignored while asleep.

Once again, J&J is undergoing a rough patch in their relationship. Mainly because of me, i did not know julye was talking to us on msn with jason account. This cause julye to get so worried again. SHIT! stupid mouth..
Back to work!

How i wished i had someone to quarrel with.
Feeling her love the hard way.

Just Another Day

2008-09-10T21:46:00.000+08:00

Well....
Finally had that heart2heart talk with you ytd night.
It cleared my mind of all the useless worries and thoughts.
It marks an end and a new beginning in life.
I can finally feel myself now, and the life I'm having now. Thank you very much for it.

Work is a bore today. Treated uncle Henry lunch. I'm totally amazed by the food we had today.
Although they seems small in size, but they sure seems very filling..haha

Met J&J and mario for dinner as usual again. Well i can feel Julye is a little pissed with my stupidity, and the 2 big guys kinda look down on me as 'bui kan'. We went Alexandra for dinner, and i swear, as i took every spoon of the black pepper chicken rice in, i feel like puking..haha

We over to Queensway shopping centre for a walk. Coincidentally, Gutu was shopping there too. Keep playing hide&seek with me. Thanks for the belated birthday, i din see that coming..you got me fooled..lol..Will get something for you on your birthday..haha

everytime i shower,
i remember the moments we had back then.
but now its all over..haha

Worried..again

2008-09-07T20:26:00.000+08:00

After reading your blog post today, u make me worry again. Is family happiness very important to you, even at the expense of yours? I still can't buy the story of you already forgetting what we had in the past. All the sour, sweet, bitter, spicy moments, are they so worthless? You might think you are nobody in this world, but have you ever thought that you mean the world to someone?

I'M THAT SOMEONE GIRL!

Never say you feel guilty by my actions. Even there's minimal chance of turning back, I'm still willing to be there for you. All I ever ask for is you giving me the opportunity to prove to your parents that I'm the right guy. Taking care of you.

Everyday i wake up and look myself in the mirror, wondering, what have i done to others. Most of the time, the sight of me disgust me. I felt even disgusted when you told me about us not being together. You were the only thing which i had that i can be proud of. But, sigh.

All i wish for now, is for you to overcome this period of instability. I don't wish to see you living in a life full of unhappiness.

Pondering over my mistakes

restrainting myself

2008-09-05T09:01:00.000+08:00

Its my fourth day at work in my uncle's company. Still trying to get friendly with PHP codes. I feel that I'm wasting my uncle's money. He's paying me just to learn, not work. He's a nice guy, and i feel bad about this.

Well..i still can't give you up yet. Whatever i see every second, will be randomly linked to the times we had together. All the teasing, laughter, bickering and quarrels we had, those memories. You had already become a part of my life, just like the oxygen i need to breathe, the water i need to drink everyday. It seems like we did a lot of stuffs together. SPI trip, NDP, Singapore Flyer, even numerous trips to jurong business park.

Maybe u do not see any significance each event holds, maybe i gave u the impression that i feel bored whenever i go shopping with you or i gave you the impression that i need you to be by my side for other reasons.

I still remember you told me after the SPI trip, you feel so safe when I'm around that you are ready to surrender your future to me. At that time, it was the best moment of my life. You melted me with that sweet love you had for me. That was not it yet, then came around NDP. The day which we spent time squeezing our way through the crowd and running across roads with helpless policemen looking on. My birthday, its my bad that i tried to play boss with you early that morning, I'm sorry about it. On the Singapore Flyer, how i wish we are trapped in it on forever.
Every moment with you, breaking down to even walking with you to class every Tuesday and Wednesday last sem, i enjoy them. I feel that with you beside me, i have all that i need. You're my everything.

I still remember those love quotes you said for me:

till lines tattooed on our foreheads,
want you to be there for me on 3april!

Yes i don't understand the mental torture you are undergoing now, I'm selfish, self-centered thinking piece of crap. I'm the cause of it. I really wished i could prove to your parents that their daughter is in safe hands and i want to take care of her for the rest of her life. All the quarrels and conflicts in thinkings we had are parts of a relationship, we have to face them together as one. I just can't stop wondering if you really mean that there's no turning back for us. I really hope its just angry words from your mouth for the time being.
I'm sorry for causing you and your mum pain and tears. I had become the devil of you.

iloveyou
imissyou
ineedyou

Since leaving you alone from now on can ease your pain, i guess i have to do it, unwillingly.
Walking through chinatown brings me lots of pain. Seeing old couples supporting each other while walking, reminds me about what you said, and what happened 31/08/08.